Happy Birthday, Cheeky Yum
Hello my Friends! Cheeky Yum is two years old this week.
So today is a little check in. I hit a bit of a Lemony Snicket streak. The same day Cheeky Yum turned 2, my mother passed away. And three months before that, my father passed away. In the midst of all of that I started a new job, moved cross country back to California, and began a new clinical study for advanced cancer that had started to progress scarily fast. So that’s a lot, and I am a little shell shocked, a little off my game.
I’ve been lucky to not have too much experience with death until now, and the reality of both parents suddenly gone is a little confusing. Maybe, when I kick, I’ll get on a Pan Am plane, with my patent leather shoes and my little white gloves and the little fur muff from my grandmother and fly off to wherever the deceased family members meet the new arrivals. I’m not a religious person (by choice) so I don’t have a picture of how all of this goes.
But in the meantime, here I am. Feeling a little afraid. Feeling a little vulnerable. I need my routines to help keep me grounded, even though my routines are being knocked around from the new medications I am on. I had a friend ask me the other day after a particularly bad day of bone pain; Did you forget you’re on some big assed medications? Do you think you’re Wonder Woman?
Well, Yes and Yes. I did.
But I am far from Wonder Woman. I’m a middle aged gal who is feeling her mortality. So my anchors I am scrambling for are this;
- Rest. Whenever I can. Rest is good medicine. This weekend I have climbed back into my bed with my computer and the new episodes of Lost in Space and I subbed out my yoga class so my body can rest, recover and regroup.
- I am getting better at not waiting for friends to call me. I make myself reach out. I’m not always so good at that, but luckily I do also have many, many good friends that check up on me, too.
- Writing. I rely on it everyday. It’s the first thing I do with my coffee or tea is sit down and write for 20 minutes. Every day. Writing helps me sort life out, talk to myself, separate the real from the crap. Writing is my heart.
- This is a big one for me, but I need to remember that what people think of me is just not my business. I’m ticking “needing to be understood” off the list. I’ll tick it off again when I forget, which I will.
- Make good, healthy food a priority. Food is always fresh and in season here in California. After work, it is so easy to pick up frozen pizza from Trader Joes, but it’s just as easy to pick up something green and fresh and some good protein.
- Then there’s the Yoga, exercise, and meditation combo. Exercise is good for Cancer. My Cancer doesn’t like oxygen, so I need to make sure I am as oxygenated as possible. Meditation keeps me sane. Yoga keeps me uninjured and moving.
Oh, and yes. I need to remember I am enough. My beautiful clients in New York gave me a bracelet with those words engraved in it, because it was the mantra of my classes. We are all enough. I don’t care who you are, if you are a human being, sometimes you are going to feel like you are just faking your way down the road, not doing is as well as everyone else. One of these days someone is going to find out you are a big phony. Nope. We all belong here. We can all do better, but we are all certainly enough.
There, now I feel better already.
Happy Birthday, Cheeky Yum.
Rest in Peace my Sweet Parents.