Go with the Flow, Even if You are Scared.

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Good morning my friends. I am in Paradise; Kauai.  Certainly one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. I am with friends; a few I’ve traveled with before and a few new ones. We are warrior women. Two of us have had complete lung transplants, one is a the gals is cancer survivor. I graduated from survivor to thriver some years ago, meaning, I have advanced cancer.

I knew the vacation would consist of limited days, and that I had no time to spare. I want to get as much as possible out of this vacation with my friends. I want it to be an opportunity to keep feeding my soul and my spirit and my body and my heart with all the good stuff that I need to continue to thrive and survive. I knew I wasn’t going to be successful if I couldn’t smooth out my bunchy worry. My nerves are still jangly from moving my family back to California from New York a few months ago. Money is tight even without a jaunt to Hawaii. My cancer now hurts and bothers me, it has a physical presence now where before I only had the knowledge that I have cancer. I have to be honest, I have a lot of free floating anxiety about my situation right now.

It goes back to the work of staying in the moment. And it’s a full-time gig, Baby. Believing that ultimately, it’s all going to be okay, no matter what happens.

We went on a ride up the Nepali coast yesterday on a Zodiak. The whales and sea turtles and burial grounds were just in the true sense of the word, AWE-some. Beautiful. Breathtaking. But one thing that really strikes me here is the attitude of the locals that have been hosting us haoles. The attitude is; Island gives. Ask Island for what you want nicely. Be respectful. Mother nature is boss. Go with the flow, and at some point, all of us are going the way of our ancestors before. One of our guides, a beautiful young local named Kemelai, had a tattoo across his chest that read; “In god’s hands.”

That was the clincher for me. I don’t do God, necessarily. Or maybe I do, but I don’t do dogma. I do understand the idea of trusting what we can’t see. Faith. Taking the right steps and making sure my side of the street and clean and clear of crap. Whether it’s the Universe, or God, or grapefruit. We all  have a whatever or whomever we talk to when we are scared or in a sublime state of Grace. There’s nothing I can accomplish by worry of fear, it can be all consuming.

On the other hand, I also let myself off the hook. I tell myself, “Hey look, Liza. You have every mother f*cking right to be scared.” That brings peace as well. If I am not afraid of cancer, I am in need of some serious assistance in the mental department. Insane in the membrane as Amy Sedaris’s character in Strangers with Candy likes to say.

We have a few days left in Kauai. I am enjoying every minute, even the scary ones. Just being alive can be some scary you know what. I’ll just keep doing the work so that I can laugh even when I am afraid. Then I can look at these amazing mountains that grew out of the angst and chaos and destruction of the lava that the God Madam Pele stirred up with her fire, and just look around in awe at the amazing world that I am so lucky to be a part of.

Peace out and Mahalo.

6 Comments

  1. Chandra Nela says:

    You amaze me and inspire me! I hope you soak up every last minute there!

    Like

  2. ‘Whether it’s the Universe, or God, or grapefruit.’ Man I love this. Beautifully said.
    Cancer sucks.
    But you don’t.
    I love you.

    Like

  3. jacquie says:

    Enjoy the rest of your time in Kauai! Know that you are thought of often, and hoping that you have peace and calmness in your life. Everything is in God’s hands – just believe!

    Like

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