Please Forgive Me.


Many of us are haunted by someone who we find just impossible to forgive. Those are the ones that we think about in the middle of the night, and the ones that pop into our heads just as we are about to enjoy a perfect weekend. It’s easy to mindgrind and replay past arguments, things that were said that cut to the quick and broke hearts.  They’ve done us wrong, who cares how long ago. We might spend whole days having arguments in our heads and seething at nothing. Hours and days wasted on ill will, depositing bad hormones in our bodies and robbing us of our peace of mind.

Often, we can’t let go because we need to be right, or we hate to be misunderstood. Sometimes the offense was something much more serious than a simple misunderstanding, and the hurt runs so deep it can feel impossible to exorcise.

We all know all that the dark thoughts and angst is really is only hurting us. The offenders in the meantime, may have moved on, died, or married someone else. Likely they have forgotten about us, but we keep the affront alive and well, poisoning ourselves and keeping us from being free.

There are the Russian tales of Babi Yaga, the evil witch that would jump on the backs of travelers and become heavier and heavier until they became exhausted and died. There’s a Thai fairytale with a similar story where a Gin or Genie fastens itself to you and your horse as you ride through the woods and drains you of your life force you have no strength to go on. These things that dig their claws into us and weigh heavily on our hearts and bodies take a toll. They are all consuming, and they cost us.

Ain’t nobody got time for that. When you are replaying conversations with people that aren’t there and not paying attention to what is happening in your life right now, you are missing out on what matters.

I found a way, and it works like a charm. It just requires diligence and maybe some repetition until it “takes”. As soon as the headtalk starts, I imagine the offender turning to me, looking me right in the eyes, and saying, “Please forgive me.”

If I need to, I picture them saying it again. More often than not, I am flooded with relief and sadness, and the anger leaves. Many times, the people that we are haunted by are people that we once loved, or once loved us. Or maybe we still love each other but we’ve hurt each other. I don’t know about you, but when someone tells me they are sorry and they seem to mean it, I just melt, and am flooded with forgiveness and even love.

It doesn’t matter if your person isn’t on the planet anymore, you can still make peace with them. Just picture them saying those words. It’s not for their sake, it’s for you.

It’s a process, and you can repeat it as many times is needed. When you make peace with your ghosts you will have peace for yourself and the people who need your attention and love right now.

Good luck.

Drawing: Moi


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