Life Coach (Me): Liza, I’m here to help. What would you like to do with your life?
Client (Me): Drinking some wine and binge watching something great on HBO sounds perfect at the moment.
Life Coach (Me): You did that yesterday.
Client (Me): Well, it still sounds great. Or I could go out to brunch?
Life Coach (Me): Ha ha, very funny. You have many skills, you’ve accomplished a lot, but you seem to be in a bit of a rut, if you don’t mind me saying so.
Client (Me): (Yawns and raps fingernails on table top).
Life Coach (Me): Perhaps you could stop staring out the window? You asked me to be here, after all. Now, let me ask you, what would your dream life look like?
Client (Me): I never asked you to be here, you just popped in. And you don’t know anything about being a Life Coach. But, If I could I would have gobs and gobs of money and live in Hawaii.
Life Coach (Me): (Claps hands in delight) Now we’re getting somewhere! Lets back up to how we got that money. Can you get your feet off my desk please?
Client (Me): Well, I can only imagine someone I don’t know died and left it to me.
Life Coach (Me): You’re not taking this seriously. I can’t win.
Client (Me): Nor can I.
Life Coach (Me): No one is going to come along and just hand you stuff. You have to visualize things, a boyfriend for example.
Client (Me): I’m going to take a nap.
Life Coach (Me): Fine. Take a nap! Maybe someone will trip over you while you’re asleep and drop your dream money all over you. You’re a mess.
Client (Me): That’s some valuable life coaching, right there.
Life Coach (Me): Well, throw me a fricken’ bone huh?
Client (Me): Leave me alone! It’s Sunday, I woke up, I taught a yoga class this morning. I do stuff! If you’re not going to stop pestering me I want to go to brunch. And then I need to write my blog.
Life Coach (Me): Not to hurt your feelings, but nobody reads that. Except your friend, Corinne.
Client (Me): I don’t care, I love it.
Life Coach (Me): That’s stupid. Utterly ridiculous.
Client (Me): Now, you’re pissing me off. It doesn’t matter what you think. I’m going to get some Indian. At least I’m not pretending to write a blog, like you’re pretending to be a Life Coach. You have no credentials.
Life Coach (Me): I could be your Life Coach if you’d give me something to work with. How about Asian? I’m tired of Indian.
Client (Me): Only if you don’t mock my blog. It’s my little baby. My little baby bloggy.
Life Coach (Me): You’re so easy. Promise me we’ll work later?
Client (Me): No! It’s Sunday. Don’t look so sad. We’ll come up with a new life plan tomorrow, I promise. You really want Asian?
Life Coach (Me): No, Indian is fine. Could we at least get a haircut? A little lipstick? Maybe we’ll meet that “special someone” at brunch?
Client (Me): Hope springs eternal.
Life Coach (Me): I just want what’s best for you.
Client (Me): I know, I love you for that.
Me: I love you too.
Photo Cred: Dermot McElduff